


The Sickness.

by summersrage



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Stormpilot - Fandom
Genre: Character Study, Depression, Disturbed, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, M/M, Madness, Minor Poe Dameron/Finn, Stormpilot, bipolar, the sickness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 13:58:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7108024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summersrage/pseuds/summersrage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Madness was a gift that had been given to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sickness.

**Author's Note:**

> A HUGE thank you to my tumblr fluffy abunchofstuff for editing this, I couldn't do it without you girl! If you aren't following her yet, YOU SHOULD BE. 
> 
> I have a thing too, find me on tumblr @summersrage Lets talk stormpilot!

He had been drowning in a sea of self loathing, two sides of the same coin tearing each other apart. Heads? Being the best pilot in the galaxy, golden child, the poster boy of the resistance, that was the side that most knew. 

Tails was much darker though, an animalistic side that consumed his being. Madness slowly overtaking his sense of self, as he began piling on missions. Going days and days and days and days without sleep. No sleep... not able to sleep. But inevitably, the high would wear off, give way to the darkness, a bottomless pit, which consumed him and his entire being. 

Eventually the darkness would ebb, and the light begin to shine through. The skies would clear, and the world would become tranquil and the cycle would begin again. Sometimes the skies would remain clear for months, other times, days. 

He was cursed with this sickness; the cycles continued. 

The mania drove his impulses, it was what caused him to go against the Republic’s direct orders. 

It was what brought him to The Resistance. 

Sometimes it worked in his favour, others it did not. 

It was the madness that brought him to the shit storm that was Jakku, and into the hands of the First Order. 

It was the high that kept him going after his rescue from Nima Outpost, kept him in the air during the run on Starkiller, was keeping him “sane” during Finn’s stay in medbay and the move from D’Qar.

It wasn’t until his bags were unpacked that the high wore off, and the crippling depression hit. 

Spiraling deeper. 

And deeper. 

And deeper.

Deeper than he’d ever gone before. 

He was drowning in a sea of people, and not one of them looked up.

‘Til a light burst through, a hand extending. 

With the last of his energy he reached back and held on like a lifeline. 

And Finn, loving, lovely Finn, held just as tight. 

 

Listening to what he needed. 

Staying with him when he took too many pills, monitoring his vitals in case he needed to get to a doctor. 

How do you explain to someone that you don’t actually want to die, but you just don’t want to exist anymore? 

That you’re in the worst pain of your life, yet you can’t feel a thing. 

Finn was there through every doctor's appointment, rubbing his back as he vomited yet again from the newest meds he was taking. The game of musical medication never seemed to end.

Finn who refused to let Poe become dependent on him, working very carefully with the therapist and doctors to build a healthy relationship. 

It would take years for Poe to overcome the sickness, and understanding this, Finn’s support never seemed to waiver.

And so the darkness became a friend he learned to live with, a friend that lead him to his soulmate, the person he could never imagine his life without. 

Madness had been gifted to him. 

And he was grateful.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a thing! Find me on tumblr @summersrage Lets talk stormpilot!


End file.
